gosh time goes by

HAIRCUT!

...again...

Besides haircut .. work and so on.. Ive been thru a couple of things..

Right now im torn.. I want to go to the english hall.. serve there.. but man Ive been so torn lately.

I got this job, ever since i got out of the clinic k,  4 hour shift, the easiest job on earth, perfect schedual.. not in my career side, but hey i still make money right. I was all about goin to preach afternoons and so on but I mean, as soon as I get home i crash into bed like Im so tired.. and im not. i swear im not even that tired.

I believe is the pills.. Is killin me. Makes me feel like im lazy, im eating way too much and Im just not liking the feelin. I hate it. 

Last month I've found myself looking for another part time job.. Ive bought a couple more things than i can afford and I know I need more money.. but Im scared of feeling.. ya know, stressed, cause when im stressed, Im just not myself.

And I start thinking, man.. Am I even capable, where is my limit, where sdo i wann ago, where do i want to stop?.. do i want to stop?..

How much is far enough. I wish.. so many things. I wish I didnt feel, I wasnt feeling dissapointed by myself, I didnt get my family dissapointed at me.. It breaks me, It hurts.

there are times when I dont feel part of the world as it is.. sometimes i feel.. like Im here, but Im not, like ive long gone, that I can make my own world part of this world too.. but I dont .. it cant. Im afraid... I will end up talking out loud, I confuse my worlds and got to lose my mind, look ridiculous.. Im scared.

The girl in the mirror will come out of it, take over me and I won be able to stop her, ... anymore.