got the thumbs up

On my last appointment with my therapist and psycologist.. i got both to keep their thumbs up for me! yay

My Pshycatrist first, said
-My hair was growing so thats good,
- I was dressin more female and that
- He noticed I had a good humor
- Figured I was more relaxed than times before.
- Congratulate me on my job

He change my dosis of meds and order me another Brain Map to figure if I should start quiting the pills or see how was my brainie working with the depression and stuff and said something really wise about my choise on what I want to do with my life.. I said to him I was frustrated cause what I had been working on, my career seems to have been put on hold, that I dont know if i want to go back, that ... Im afraid of failure again. Dunno if im good at teaching anymore, We talked about me being confused about this whole thing.

He said, that being good at something, like 'english' or languages or maybe even 'teaching' doesnt mean I have to be a teacher. I can do many things with my skills. All I have to do is to really apply for stuff.
As homework, he asked me to look up in universities here .. take a look at careers, possible likes.. and evaluate my situation right now. Would you like to study? YES! .. now I have to look up for universities.. apparently having too much free time harms me a lot more.

Now.. My psycologist, she gave me the thumps up too, mainly...
- Congratulated me on my job
- On being stable
- On improving relationship with the family
- On being less anxious and more relaxed thru out the session (my legs are usually in constant movement)
- On being motivated trying to look up for stuff to do and keep myself busy

It was really nice, like a bliss!.. but still we adress a couple of things that are bothering me, every morning.. I wake up to the same thinking.. "I ate too much last night, im getting fat, im a failure, do not eat, do not eat..." is like I have woken up but the nightmare is still goin on! However Ive been able to go to the kitchen and have a real breakfast.. I keep on eating cap thruout the day... but at least im not goin back to my old me.. still... It's really bothering me and the voices get louder and more demanding ya know. I dont know how long I can take it. D (my psycologist) adviced me on givin a read and understand a couple of pages she gave me on inner and outter changes that needs to be done by an adict to fully recovered. I am an adict. And truth is, Im afraid to changes... but I know I gotta face them. She also reminded me that this is a new life Im living, the recovery road and I should start living it by now.

so yeah. Homework was reading and the exact same thing my psycatrist O said... looking for carrers, what motivates me, there is no rush. and thats true. According to this test i did yesterday I got the profile of a vetarinary, public relationships manager and principal of some sort, I liked it, It sounds promising. haha. We'll see.

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