all over the place

It's been a loong weekend.. my bf is out of town and me misses him crazy, I'm truly happy for him tho, I know he's learning lots where he is and even tho I can’t be there and share that moment with him, I’m glad he is and he's bringing me a copy of w.e. they published :) hah.. I’m so excited about having my Spanish convention ** I've waited so long for it to be here, and is just 3 days from now!! woohooo.. I still have to get me some clothes to be ready =) can’t wait!! ..

In another unrelated subject I had the chance to go out last nite and join my sister and friends sing out loud in a random neighborhood eating tacos sitting on the sidewalk... -fun fun!!- yet I decided to exercise my fingers with the TV remote instead; watched a documentary on who was Jesus the Christ from discovery channel very interesting and juicy stuff.. The last episode of Mexico Next Top Model, again, and a quarter of DHW, intense as it was, I could've had more fun with the guys - buu me - I got intimidated by a lil’ chat they had when they came home to use the restroom.. It was something like this:

- Ugh! I’m going running tomorrow!! I’m soo fat (super skinny 16 year old girl talking), I weight myself and I wanted to cry!
*Tania’s eyes rolled*
- How much you weigh?
- 56 kgs ((ARE YOU SERIOUS?))
- Oh, You weigh less than me, I’m 58kgs
- Yea, but you are taller than me, which chances things
- Look at this *shows toned legs* Fat!
*Tania’s head hurts 'n wants to shut them up in a not-very-nice-definitely-not-loving-manner*
- I need exercise
- I need to stop eating
*Tania runs out of the room -thinks; I’m not standing this- I know what happens after that, after expressing the "needies" to lose weight follow the "anorexia, bulimia jokes" and that is lame to hear, no one has a minimal idea, it really upsets me and found it quite triggering sometimes*

They left and I ran to the store to get me chocolate cookies, shame on me... I wanted to feel lame I guess, for weighting more than this two girls who shout out their weight just like that hmm... so I did felt lame, But I mean I can’t avoid these lil’ chats, people have them and I can’t always just run away from the situations or act like a psycho and shut them up I need to stay calm and let them pass, and don’t let me affect me, I’m not ready for that yet, I know now, something I gotta work on. Anyway, then I watched some more movie parts, Lindsay Lohan was in one of them; Freaky Friday. If it wasn’t because I have a boyfriend I swear people would think I have lesbian tendencies, I tend to stare at her, badly, Lindsay was, back in the day, my major "ideal" cause she wasn't a stick, She was a real girl, with flesh, body and all, now she's all bones and aids but that’s her issue right. Anyway, why should we make another person our ideal? Wrong. I used to take famous girls like her as my ideals, those who weren’t perfect and admitted having mistakes, yet looked unique, those human and not fairy tale characters because I’ve never believed in happily ever afters, I've always looked for an ideal I guess.. ugh.. Let’s not get philosophical in this post now…

oh in other news.. There’s a RAT in my house, a RAT, I’m talking about a 30 cm long ball of fur beastie! I was watching random movies and sico adds when the ewwies monster happen to appear next to the refrigerator in the kitchen, in a nut shell I looked away for a bit and it wasn’t there anymore.. I ran to my room check on the doors, closed my door, the bathrooms and my parents, that thing kept me hallucinating all night but at least it took off my mind of other things, it wasn’t that ugly, it got a gray-brown fur color and I can promise you she looked at me and winked while licking its rear end (pukies) ... Asco mucho!. Not a very nice image to go to bed with.

On Saturday nothing spectacular happened. I happen to hate shopping for clothes, most times and that’s what it was all about Saturday. I’m a girl, I love looking at clothes but I can’t help seeing super skinny models wearing them in my head and me on them looking like a fat-arse tamale. The only idea of trying on clothes sometimes makes me feel suffocated, frustrated, sad, quite scared and angry (childhood memories). I don’t hate all mirrors… the one in my room and I have a love-hate relationship, but those in clothing stores and fitting rooms, ugh witches. Hate them all, but I guess sometimes it depends on how my week is going in the "eating" department; this subject I believe deserves a post on its own. I should go now and look for that shirt and skirt I need for the convention, once I’m over that I'll get peace or something I suppose.

-luuurv you... hmm you