a trip to my psychiatrist

As in seeing that doctor you've been avoiding an entire month (or two) to whom you have commited to get better (still confused on what this implies) wasnt hard enough, you had to also take that detonator with you cause she wants to "ask some lil' questions to the doc"... Here's the truth.. Im not a fan of my psycatrist, I basicly just go there to get free medication for my forgotten and dusty depression in the back of my head and some colorful drugs he subscribes me too.. not sure what those ones do to my system, w.e. it is I guess works out, so people says, hence the pressure on taking my pills and not forgetting about them, heh.. i guess I got them a lil scared and worried last time I "forgot" to take them... It wasnt a very pretty escenario, like.. at all.


so.. the apptmnt went good.. the first 30 minutes anyway, until we hit hard ground with my detonators "lil questions".. She asked...
- Im quite nervous for Tania.. Im not sure if is her (read this) condition or if is only her.. How much can I request from her? Can I make pressure over her? (ugh.. more?)
** The docs looks at me, looks at my companion, looks at me again.. awkard silence, changes his leg position awkardly and says... **
- That's all tania.
** To this, my bomb detonator started accomplishing her funtion when started talking and rambling about how big of a failer I am, massive dissapointment and frustration a shame for he family (why?) .. how worst could it get?.. I burst in tears right there **
- Well, you gotta understand tania was raised in a very overprotective enviorament that didnt allow her to experiment consecuenses, hence why she's so scared of performing new things or move fowards when she knows she'll have to face something she's not ready for, never been.. but capable of. *lots of compliments here* She needs to see things for herself, without much help but only support from your part.


**ouch.. my detonator was so quiet by then.. and me.. i was sobbing like crazy.. and still crying out out of the sudden.. i guess thats what us with a "condition" of crazyness or w.e. do**


As soon as I got out of that hellish of a clinic with my eyes still stiring rivers and sobbing I ran to get me a fried mexican dessert.. call it punishment or glory.. I just felt like it an I did.. no purging followed but regret and guilt.. I'm used to this, a reminder i guess I happen to have a lil issue with food I havent control entirely, oh well... whats one more added to the list. Bite it.We end up goin to Walmart to get some late night needed stuff.. more food (fun fun.. NOT).. I was quiet all the time, nothing comming out of my mouth at that moment would've been good im sure, but I was feeling like devouring the entire store and not pay for anything as well!.

ps. I hate hall 9.. cookies and chocolates shouldnt be in the same place is just too suicidal. =/ aaand diabetic seccion is only a quarter of a hall :(... and its sugar free chocolates and cookies shouldnt cover their nutrition labels with other non-senses labels, how is a real diabetic person goin to believe you.. marketing? hello?

So.. I learned this.. is not my "condition" something to blame for my horrible and stupid decisions... It was me *tear* who made them, should be a reason behind them, Im sure there is, somewhere in my subconcience, seems like all it wants is to get me into trouble.. All I can do really is try do be more consistent and responsable, since thats what I lack of. It was also good the doc talked to my detonator, ever since then she just doesnt talk to me the same.. she's been really quiet with me and I've been also refusing any help she gives me to be "independent" yet.. I did got a pedicure she paid for today.. heh.. c'mon give me a break, this is hard!! cut me some slack my feet were really in need. they're all clean and soft now =).

lovee no readers =)