It's not me, is the menu

Im suppouse to be under a meal plan, ever since they/I noticed something was wrong with my eating habits like in the very beggining, we're talking about 5 years ago I should've done that, and I tried I swearies I did, but it was just too hard, still is, sometimes. I dunno what to do about most of my eating, I mean.. today for instance.. didnt do my morning walk and I was provoquing myself not to have breakfast because of that, a lil "compensatory behavior" or w.evs, I force myself to cook an egg, and had a coffee with one of those killing mexican sweet breads.. ugh, with a tiny lil spot of pineapple jam in the very top .. they're such a delicacy.. hate them mucho.

But the fact I had a lil' too many carbs for breakfast was killing me, so I didnt have lunch, smart not.. so far.. thats all thats in my stomach and due to my historial, I dont think is good this to happens to me very often.. but i just cant keep a record of a single day when i can say I did extreamly good eating all groups of food and stuff is always a lil too much of this, and a lil too nothing of that

Im planning on do something to have good meals evryday.. Im not very excited about it because it means I will be counting calories, carbs, fats and stuff.. and I seriously enjoy not payinn to much attention to food since when I do is when the obsession begins, and fears and all that stuff that wont allow me have a normal life.. or attempting to have one.

So far all I know is I really need to get a job, start a life or something, even my dad told me I should start looking now.. no pressure. But really I think I should, I mean.. Im 20, no job, career or anything similar to a real future ahead.  Im just lame. I even think I should be gettin a job that hurts.. just to pay off.


Getting a job right now is not a problem, is the holidays, people is really busy and theres always lots to do, but my job will only be temporary, so thats good.. I really want to take the english lessons seriously tho. ugh. Is it my time? I dont want to grow up :(