30.1.10

peting the monster


GIVE ME A freaking BREAK!. That, I tell to my reflection every day. The stupid mirror is being a MAJOR buttache... my body image days havent been good, at all. Im just all over the place.

Reasons I have plenty, and I can blame it on the air, the contaminated air, the breeze, humid annoying breeze, the most random thing i bump into, but the only one who's fault is it, its moi. I'm the one that cant keep up with the problems I face, the fear and frustration of new situations, or old ones, the negativity.. ugh it's all gray! .. My coping mechanism is just pretty much screwed.

Today I went to school.. Had this forum thing going on, it was pretty good! :) but then.. lunch time! ..

l u n c h   t i m e!!

we went to gran plaza.. i inmediatly knew what id ask for; chicken salads wrap (200kcal) and diet coke. The rest of the crew i was with decided to ask for gross fatty pizza.. ugh cheesy and greasy pizza!
I was served first, Couldnt finished my meal but I was truly stuffed by the time the pizza got in the table... they offered me a slice.. to which i respond to with an im-about-to-throw-up-all-over-your-face look. I didnt meant to, I was going for a Im-stuffed look, as simple as that... w.w

Watching them all eating that crap was a ... mmm, i guess delightful experience, hehe .. watching the chunks of greasy cheesse goin into their mouths I was terribly excited about how all those trans fats, satured fats, carbs, oils and so forth werent going down MY belly, but theirs!!.. I didnt had to piuk or burn them or even worry about those calories accumulating, man.. it was almost refreshing!!  I almost burst into laughter and tears of joy for no reason, it was somehow very VERY pleasent.. almost orgasmic =)

k, k enough.. u get the point.

* I know what kind of food I should be eating in order not to be caught up into my disordered eating habits, and healthy and fullfilling food is a very good choise for that not to happen.. plus.. dont u just hate throwing up lettuce..  yikes *



2 comentarios:

  1. I'm glad you were still able to socialize with your friends despite the food. I think they serve the worst crap in school cafeteria (at least in my school they did). They need more healthy options!

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  2. It sounds to me like your getting into a huge relapse, and that scares me, I'm getting worst too, that group thing should be helping us,why then are we getting worst? What the heck... :'(

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