second strike.. out?

Second time Ive been sat with my parents in therapy to discussed the possibility of me goin in-patient.

The first time it happened I negotiate with them I was gonna get better.. and I did.. I was taking my meds, I gain weight, I was doing school, but I was still feeling like crap most of the time.. still I did some progress! In fact, my visit in december to my phsycatrist was a major success. He even said he'd be reducing my intake of pills and that I had had major progress as well... of course now with this relapse it is just not gonna happen.

I dunno how much weight i've lost, but apprnlty enough to make me go inpatient for at least a week.. two weeks top, im hoping. I know is the best for me, but Im terrified by it. Im mostly concern about no communication what so ever, no internet, phone, tv, no internet!! :(.. then Im not allowed to be in the kitchen, or part take in any decision concerning to my food, Im taking everything in. And is just so not fair. This really scares me. And I know nothing about physical activity.!! they do have a basketball basket and a pool =p, dont know if im allowed tho.

Something funny happen after the meeting with my parents and my ED especialist and psycologist; my parents tried to turn the house into a clinic .. treating me like a sick person. They dont want me out, Im suppouse to be eating with them and all. I cant go out at all.. no physical activity and thats just driving me nuts. I just ran up and down the stairs for a bit cause I cant stay still this much and i was suffocating. :( I think because Im not walking enough and losing condition. Ive been secretly wanting to escape and walk the malecon or something to make me feel better. Im not eating enough, My parents are now more aware of it and I hate that. Is not like I dont want to, I try... stupid voices.

Anyway.. my family is concern, all of them, Ive got aunts, uncles, cousins and stuff comming to the house making me feel like a baby.. sucks, but at the same time, i aint going to lie, I like it, but i feel so retarded.. Im 20 for gods sake! 

This time.. I want recovery. Is hard, im scared. but hopefully Ill do alright.

Im just a lil bit worried cause my doc said he'll contact my dad but he hasnt yet. So Im thinking, maybe is not that important?.. back and foward thinking no good.